Colossians 3:19

Colossians 3:19

Colossians 3:19 commands husbands to love their wives and not be bitter against them. This verse complements the preceding instruction about wives submitting to their husbands, balancing the relationship with a husband’s proactive, self-giving love. “Love” here is comprehensive—emotional, relational, and practical—modeled after Christ’s love for the church. The warning about bitterness highlights the corrosive effect anger, resentment, or contempt can have on marriage. In the cultural setting, male leadership without love often produced power struggles; Paul redirects leadership into love that protects and cherishes. The “not be bitter” clause invites ongoing forgiveness, humility, and gentleness. The verse speaks to a dynamic of two imperfect people relying on God’s grace to sustain a covenant relationship.

Love as the guiding principle in marriage reflects the church’s relation to Christ, who loves the church unconditionally. The admonition against bitterness connects to holiness, reconciliation, and community health. It reframes authority as stewardship under God, with a deserved call to nurture, protect, and honor one’s partner. The verse also reinforces the gospel’s corrective to self-centeredness, urging spouses to prioritize the other’s good and the God-ordained structure of marriage for the sake of witness.

Practical steps:

- Cultivate daily acts of love: small sacrifices, words of affirmation, and acts of service.

- Address bitterness early: when frustration arises, speak honestly and seek reconciliation rather than letting resentment fester.

- Practice regular check-ins with your spouse to discuss emotional well-being, needs, and expectations.

Examples:

- Prepare a favorite meal after a long day to show care.

- Listen attentively when your spouse expresses hurt, rather than offering explanations immediately.

- Pray together for grace and patience in marriage.

Cross-References: Ephesians 5:25-33; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7; Colossians 3:12-14; Proverbs 15:1; Song of Solomon 2:16